363 Days Left: Something Old, New, Borrowed, and Blue Balls

Back in the day, before people got married for legitimate reasons like love, or getting a green card, there was only one reason to get hitched... SEX. Sex is a prety good reason to do lots of things. From cross country flights to $200 sushi dinners, no distance is too far, and no piece of fish is too expensive, as long as it resulted in sex. In a different time, however, it took much more than good moves and/or good credit to get a "lady" in the sack. It took a wedding. Guys looked forward to getting married because it meant that they could start having sex. These days a wedding symbolizes the end of having sex...first with other women, and then eventually with your wife.

It sounds depressing, and maybe it is, but honeymoons are no longer weeklong sex fests, that take place after a ceromony, because your actuall honeymoon period was after your third date, when she finally did something that she "doesn't normally do so soon."

By the time I am legally married, I will have been with the same girl for over 6 years. That's like 60 years in human years. Point being, I don't expect anything to happen on the honeymoon that hasn't happened already. "Now that we are married, here is my third boob I've been saving for you." or "I've been saving my A game until we bilked our friends and family out of fine china."

I am not condoning saving yourself, nor am I implying that we lived in a better world when women had to wait to be married before they could be merry. I'm simply asking when that sex carrot isn't dangling in front of the groom's face, how the hell are we supposed to get down the aisle? Oh that's right, cake.