361 Days Left: "Thank You"... Nots (would you like to buy a vowel?)

The idea of having to sit down and write a handwritten note on a piece over over priced stationary just to let a "friend" of mine know how much I appreciate the decorative vase they sent me, is almost as ludicrous as them thinking that I would actually like a decorative vase. Thank-You notes couldn't be any more obsolete if they were chiseled into a piece of stone or written by dipping a feather into a pool of ink. However, for some unknown reason everyone who gets married is expected to write hundreds of these things. I've been to enough weddings to know how "generous" my check was, or how "thoughtful" my preselected gift from a registry was.

Can't we just all agree that giving a gift shouldn't require the recipient (namely me) to have to reply with a formulaic thank-you note? 

I'm sitting here now with a list of gifts that i have received since getting engaged. Everything from a spice rack to a coffee maker to cash. My "job for the day" is to write a note to the family/friends who sent this stuff to let them know A) That I got it B)That i'll use it C)That I love it and D)That I cant wait to see them at the wedding. Then, all i have to do is plug in the name of the specific gift and repeat until the list in front of me is all crossed off. Should be simple enough, but I couldn't care less. It's not that i'm not appreciative of the gifts, or that i don't care for the people who sent them, it's just that the futile exercise of writing, stamping, and sending a note seems unnecessary. Below is what everyone who gets me anything will receive

Dear (Insert name here):

We really can't thank you enough for the (insert gift here). It is exactly what we ("wanted or "needed" depending on what it is) . We used it just this morning while (insert lie here). We are so excited to see you at the wedding, and thanks again for thinking of us.

Now, please act surprised when you open this in the mail.