346 Days Left: Friends with (wedding) Benefits?

"Friends" can mean many different things to many different people. To some, it's a person who will give you a ride to the airport without asking for $50. To others, it's a crappy TV show staring Courtney Cox. To me, a friend is someone who i never have to see, talk to, e-mail, visit, or send gifts to.

During this countdown to my wedding, i have to constantly evaluate and reevaluate who are my friends, and who are my wedding-worthy friends. Even after I decide who I like enough to buy a $200 dinner for, I then have to go a step further and decide are they good enough friends to let them bring a date (hooker), or are they such good friends that I give them a fancy title like "Groomsman" and a colorful chest flower? Every friend, co-worker, acquittance, ect.  falls into one list or another.

And, I hate having to make lists...and here's why:
1. It feels like homework
2. I have ADD
3. I wonder what I am having for lunch today.
...wait a minute, I'm making a list right now.

I am at the point right now, where I am looking for reasons to not like people, so I can cut them without feeling bad about it. Sure, I've known Tom since 1985, but he borrowed my bike in 7th grade and kept it for 2 hours longer than he said, so fuck him, he's off the list.

The other problem with placing a wedding value on your friends, is that I have many more of them than my future wife (as you know from my previous post, I hate the word "fiancée"). That being said, I have to cut my A listers while she's scraping the bottom of her D list. "Sorry, (fraternity brother), but my wife filled your seat with her FORMER MANICURIST,  Ching.

Once, we get through all the obligatory invites, I think I get to bring 1 or 2 people. My friends? No, because they are such good friends, I know that they'd rather do nothing, then strap on a cumber bun and throw rice at me.  

"Does this haircut make me look gay?"